A larger sample of DRE, a transcription of Lewis Carroll's "The Hunting of the Snark", may be downloaded here.
It wôz on the first
day ov the néw year that the anouncement wôz
máde, aulmóst símultánéôusly
frôm three obzervatòries, that the mótion ov
the planet Neptúne, the outermóst ov aul the
planets that wheel about the sun, had becôm vèry
êratic. A retàrdátion in its velocity
had bên suspected in December. Then a faint, remóte
speck ov líet wôz discôvered in the
réjon ov the perturbed planet. At first this did not
cauz âny vèry greyt excítement.
Sciëntific peaple,
however, found the intellijence remàrkable enuff, éven
befòre it becáme knówn that the néw body
wôz rapidly grówing làrjer and bríeter, and
that its mótion wôz quíte different frôm the
òrderly progrêss ov the planets.
Bob strólled up the
path. Hé wôz láte and wôz considering
hiz alibí. Hé lissened tu the ôther
càrs in the street, hedding hóme. The dòg, with
paw raized, greeted him at the dòr. Molly coûd aulways
tell when
hé aríved. Shé wôz a faithful creatjur, and
the sensitivity ov that nóze wôz not a myth.
The house wôz quiët. Hé looked down at the
vínyl tíle. It coûd stand sôm polish
but hé woûd rezist the impulse tu complain.
Hé saw hiz fàther in the gàrden near the fence but
didn't bother tu caull him. Hé wôz
obvìôusly prepâring tu mów the lawn.
Hé coûd see the neybor's cow in the meddów
and the dense woods béyond. It seemed
a trivìal matter but hé aulways looked tu see if
thâre wôz ânything on the kitchen táble.
Hiz wífe míet wríte a nóte. Thâre
wôz a
néw novel thâre, probably hers. It had a
pecúlyar symbol on the côver. The títle sed
sômthing about néurons. Hé didn't knów
whôt that wôz about but simply didn't câre.
Hé decíded tu remùve the lábel now
frôm the packaj hé wôz carrying. Hé
hóped that Mirtle woûd not harass him about the
còst ov the néw fur coat hé had bawt her.
Hé had a fairly good replý. At least it wôz
paid fòr. And the first ov the year wôz
aulmóst hêre and the air wôz cóld.
Hé found the páper pàrtly ópen, óver
a chair. It had rained in the mòrning. The páper
òffen got wet. Hé turned the
rádìó on but didn't câre fòr the
singing.
He redd about the cýclóne which had aulmóst hit
the civic center. The ský had looked threttening.
Hé gáve a síe. Thâre woûd
hav bên the devil tu pay if the stòrm had bên
wôrse. The knolledj máde
him wince. Hé thawt, "Wé àr só
helplêss in the fáce ov bad wether". Hé
gáve sôm thawt tu sólar power, but clung tu hiz
úzjùal rigor, which ment discussing this
with hiz wífe befòre máking a decizion.
Shé expected this considerátion. Hé
had bên thinking about emerjency power and had an
ídéa. Sôm mezjur ov action míet
bé prùdent.
Fòurscòre and seven years agó our fàthers
brawt fòrth on this continent a néw nátion,
conceeved in liberty and dedicáted tu the propozition
that aul men àr créáted équol.
Now wé àr engájed in a greyt civil waur, testing
whether that nátion òr âny nátion só
conceeved and só dedicáted can lòng
endúre. Wé àr met on a greyt battle field ov
that waur. Wé hav côm tu
dedicáte a pòrtion ov that field az a fínal
resting-pláce fòr thóze hoó hêre
gáve
their líves that that nátion míet liv. It iz
aultogether fitting and proper that wé shoûd dù
this.
But in a làrjer sense, wé can not dedicáte -
wé can not consecráte - wé can not hallów -
this ground. The bráve men, living and ded, hoó
struggled hêre, hav consecráted it, fàr abôv
our poor power tu add òr detract. The wôrld
will little nóte, nòr lòng remember, whôt
wé say hêre, but it can never forget whôt they did
hêre. It iz fòr us the living, rather, tu
bé dedicáted hêre tu the unfinished
wôrk which they hoó fawt hêre hav thus fàr
só nóbly advanced. It iz rather fòr us tu
bé hêre dedicáted tu the greyt
task remaining befòre us - that frôm théze onnored
ded wé táke increased devótion tu that cauz
fòr which they gáve the last fûll mezjur ov
devótion - that wé hêre hýly rezòlv
that théze ded shall not hav díed in vain - that this
nátion, under God, shall hav a néw birth ov freedom
- and that gôvernment ov the peaple, bý the peaple,
fòr the peaple, shall not pèrish frôm the erth.
Waurning líets àr flashing down at Quolity Contról
Sômbôdy threw a spanner and they threw him in the
hóle
Thâre'z rùmors in the loading bay and anger in the town
Sômbôdy blew a whissle and the wauls cáme down
Thâre'z a meeting in the boardroóm, they'r trýing
tu tráce the smell
Thâre'z leaking in the woshroóm, thâre'z a sneak in
Personel
Sômwhâre in the corridor, sômwunn wôz
hird tu sneeze
"Goodnêss mé, coûd this bé Industrìal
Dizeaze?"
The câretáker wôz crùcifíed fòr
sleeping at hiz póst
Refúzing tu bé pacifíed, it'z him they
bláme the móst
The wotchdòg got rábies, the fòreman'z got the
fleas
Evrywunn'z concerned about Industrìal Dizeaze
Thâre'z panic on the switchboard, tungs àr tíed in
knots
Sôm côm out in sympathy, sôm côm out in spots
Sôm bláme the manajment, sôm the employees
And evrybôdy knóws it'z the Industrìal Dizeaze
The wôrk fòrce iz disgusted, downs toóls, wauks
Innocence iz injured, expêrìence just tauks
Evrywunn seeks damajes, evrywunn agrees
"Théze àr classic symptoms ov a monetâry
squeeze"
On ITV and BBC they tauk about the curse
Philosophy iz úselêss, théolojy iz wôrse
History boils óver, thâre'z an economics freeze
Sócìolojists invent wôrds that mean
Industrìal Dizeaze
Doctor Pàrkinson declâred "Í'm not surprízed
tu see yoù hêre
Yoù'v got smóker's cauff frôm smóking,
brewer's droóp frôm drinking beer
Í dón't knów how yoù cáme tu
get the Betty Dávis knees
But wôrst ov aul yung man yoù'v got
Industrìal Dizeaze"
Hé wróte mé a prescription, hé sed
"Yoù àr depressed
Í'm glad yoù cáme tu see mé tu get this
òff yoùr chest
Côm back and see mé láter, next pátient
pleaze
Send in anôther victim ov Industrìal Dizeaze"
Í gó down tu Speaker's Còrner, Í'm
thunderstruck
They got free speech, toùrists, polìce in trucks
Tew men say they'r Jézus, wunn ov them must bé
wròng
They got a prótest singer, hé's singing a prótest
sòng
Hé sez "They wont tu hav a waur só they can keep
us on our knees
They wont tu hav a waur só they can keep their factories
They wont tu hav a waur tu stop us buýing
Japanéze
They wont tu hav a waur tu stop Industrìal Dizeaze
They'r pointing out the enemy tu keep yoù deff and
blínd
They wont tu sap yoùr enerjy, incàrceráte
yoùr mínd
Giv yoù Rùle Britannya, gassy beer, páje three
Tew weeks in Espanya and Sunday strip teaze"
Meanwhíle, the first Jézus sez, "Í'll cúre
it soón
Abolish Mônday mòrning and Fríday afternoón"
The ôther wunn'z out on hunger stríke, hé'z
dýing bý degrees
How côm Jézus gets Industrìal Dizeaze?
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